The mysteries of MySpace
I've come to realize that MySpace offers a fascinating view of my generation. It's chock full of sparking animated .gifs of Tinkerbell, My Chemical Romance music videos, half-nude pics of underage girls, and guys that still think it's cool to wear makeup. If you're in need of a migrane, just visit a random MySpace profile and the results should be instantaneous. I don't think the creators of CSS ever meant for it to come to this.
By viewing the profiles of certain acquaintances and comparing what they've written about themselves to what we actually know about them, my friends and I have been able to construct this handy-dandy translation guide. Please consult it before contacting any individual on MySpace.
MySpace Translations
| What they write | What they mean |
| I'm starting a band | My friends and I thought of a good band name and great stage act, now we just need to find real musicians to complete the band! |
| I'm an EBM musician | I just hit the arpeggio button and sing about war and death |
| I'm a promoter | I'm a scene social climber with no real skills |
| I'm a DJ | I'm a scene social climber with no real skills and expensive equipment |
| I'm a model | My friend took pictures of me once |
| I'm a fetish model | A creepy guy I met on the internet took pictures of me wearing latex once |
| I'm a photographer | I own a digital camera and have a deviantart account |
| I'm a graphic designer | I can add lens flare and emo song lyrics to photos |
| I'm curvy | I'm fat |
| I'm voluptuous | I'm morbidly obese |
| I'm a BBW | I'm the size of a goddamn house and it takes a firehose to blast away the feces caked inside my asscrack |
| I'm fat | I'm either anorexic, bulimic, or fishing for compliments |
| I'm an otherkin/furry/Jeffree Star | I am a blight on society and I need to be taken out and shot |
